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..I can scarcely remember them and the torment of their passing. I entered the box as George Howden Ghent. I was a dealer in antiques and objects of handmade art, carpets and religious objects. Husband of Dominique and generous businessman who always tried to strike a decent deal. Who always shared his profits with the seller, a man who valued fairly and sold at the agreed price.They broke me down.They assaulted my mind.They flensed my body.They dissolved what had been and built anew.Reduced me. I could not sleep. Salim reminded me of Aarif. Aarif was of the same age when he fucked me first time. The memory was fresh as if it happened yesterday……….…………… Mathematics was the only subject that gave me nightmares. I was perfect in all other subjects. So, I told my Dad that I needed someone to teach and guide me.For parents, children always look like toddlers. My dad never had inkling that I could have a crush on his friend’s son Aarif who was in degree first year. My body developed all. Could it be true - had I fingered his mother?His 'Slave' I chastised myself.Again the older, "Do you have any questions Joseph?"The younger, "You may speak freely?" I...", I could not find the words, my tongue just would not work. "My mother...", would be my slave if I joined - but how? "She would never... you know?" Hardly a question but they seemed to understand."One of the necessary components to joining our club was that you seduce your mother. This does not mean we can not help you." Help. She felt saner, more balanced. Even if everything was going wrong in her life, there was someone she could fall back on—someone who would be sane and stable, who would think clearly, who could help her make sense of her life. And she could contemplate spending time with Tom, being with Tom, even making love to Tom, without that overriding sense of panic. Because David was in her life now; she had her center back. She no longer had to hesitate, to hold back, to wonder what she would have to give.
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