I needed to think. I felt for reassurance and found it in my pocket. I smiled as I took out the silver snuffbox - a gift from an appreciative client - its contents helped me focus. I popped the lid. One hundred grams of these tiny creatures contained seven milligrams of iron. Compared to beefsteak these were dynamite.To the reassuring crack of a husk, I settled down with my Pastel Babies, and opened the envelope. Inside was a wad of black and white photographs of an old man somewhere between. Silence stretched from every direction, Itrembled, but it wasn't cold.And then I woke, mostly, into noise and flashing lights. Drowsy andconfused, sitting in a low chair, my body felt heavy and long way awayfrom my head. Boom boom boom - dance music! A nightclub. I sprawled in abooth, legs spreadeagled, dress ridden up to bare nude lace stockingtops around my thighs, a curve of black panties over my sex. Fingersfelt loose and tingly as I tried to cover myself, the club spun andslipped as I. He was a big time hit man for a major crime family. A short time after they got married, he got arrested for murder and put on trial. He was found guilty and sentence to life imprisonment. A few years later he was found dead in his prison cell. She divorced him after the trial finished, but she kept his last name. She thought the last name would come in handy and she was right it did. Nobody knew her as Connie Neri. She drifted from job to job, the longest job she held was for six months. She. I think we're getting divorced."And then I'm at a funeral. I must be a woman now, because I'm having trouble walking in my heels, as I head toward the front of the crowd to offer my condolences. When I get to the front, I see Janelle standing by the grave, with little Tisha and Lawrence on either side of her. I look down, and I can somehow see through the top of the casket, and it's me in there, the real me, not the half-and-half monster I am now or the woman that the doctors say I'll become. I.
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